Condoms more effective than abstinence

If pills and condoms are a good protection, especially the pill (around 99%), I have found a 100% way of preventing sexual transmitted diseases and even pregnancy. This is even better than abstinence, which has 99,9999999999% success on preventing the above situations and awkwardness between you and your family… or her family. The 0.0000000001% of failure comes from the relationship between Mary and God, the only situation where abstinence has failed. The result was Jesus, someone who passed his life on the streets hanging with lifeless dudes that took him to great parties and in the end betrayed him, working as a carpenter or performing some artistic numbers to passersby. Jesus died early also, like Cobain, Freddy Mercury or Sena, but in his case pursued by romans, the cool guys at the time, in a clear beginning of the development of bullying Technic. This happens when there is not a good relation between parents; imagine how Joseph felt about having his superior, the Boss, having a child with his wife and with the help of one of his best friends: the Holly Spirit. Yes!…harsh…and Jesus, peace be with him, died, haunted by these feelings of rejection and uncertainty about his future. No news from him in the past decade or so…

So I don’t want to have a kid like Jesus, and that is now available by around 30 euros plus shipping. I am talking about this:

The Condom Box...yeah looks nice.

The Lady Killer

The useful instructions on how to put it to work

Nice uh? No?...Well it is a Arduino and I will cite: “Arduino is a tool for making computers that can sense and control more of the physical world than your desktop computer. It's an open-source physical computing platform based on a simple microcontroller board, and a development environment for writing software for the board. ”. It will help me controlling motors, sensors, lights, and even help in the art of not having a girlfriend and sexual life. It has clear software as well.

I have some projects running today, and as this will make my life easier, there is a little monster here, that is getting on my nerves:

My Nemesis!

This one is a Microchip lab for development of more complex applications and will make the success of contraceptives reach something like 105% by my calculations (5% of children are killed by their parents who use this). I just want to add that Arduino is Italian, the same place where the Pope and his crew lives. I am catholic.

Conclusion, I haven’t started working with the board and I already have made a discovery: I call it the LOL (Lifeless way of Life) and it secures you from having kids or any relationship with a woman in the next, well,…it is still generating the number of years…

PS: I am writing this in English, not because I think I am cool (I know I am), but there is JUST one person that thinks that I am not cool enough by writing in Portuguese. I will defy you and write in Portuguese, being cool at the same time!...oh wait…dammit!